Carrying a Big Stick

It was Urk who first discovered the virtues of the Club. He found that people who used to ignore him when he didn't have the Club, paid much closer attention to his desires when he did have the Club. Especially after he had caved in a couple of skulls with it.

It was also Urk who discovered the dangers of the Club falling into the wrong hands. When the execrable Urg appeared with a Club leaning jauntily on his shoulder, Urk realized what an evil Club Proliferation could be.

And so it was that Urk decided to confront Ug, Bug, and Glug, the three worst unarmed people he knew.

"You really bad guys," declared Urk. "Me gonna sort you out good!"

At that point, Ug produced a mean-looking Club of his own and said, "Yes?"

"Me not mean you as such," explained Urk. "You not actually so bad. You pretty bad, but we talk about it later."

Following this face-saving pronouncement, Urk proceeded to beat the snot out of Bug, who was the smaller of his remaining two antagonists. Then he rounded on Glug, who was checking out tree limbs for size, weight, and ease of use.

"You not even think about it!" snarled Urk. "Me and buddies whup sixteen kinds tar out of you, if you do. You not allowed to have Club."

"Me curious," said Glug. "How come you allowed to have Club, but me not allowed?"

"That easy," replied Urk. "Me good guy. You bad guy. Good guys allowed to have Club. Even have moral responsibility to have Club. Cause of bad guys like you."

"Well, how about this?" continued Glug. "If you get to say who bad guys are, and we all bad guys, how come you talk to Ug, but beat crap out of Bug?"

"Snot," corrected Urk. "Beat snot out of Bug. 'Crap' is rude word."

"Well," shrugged Glug, "you give me every reason I need to get biggest damn Club on planet."

Welcome to the Club.