The Bunker Papers

It is fortunate that the United States developed its atomic bomb before Nazi Germany. There is little debate on that, although the Nazis were, in fact, nowhere near perfecting a nuclear device. However, few people are aware of the other horror Hitler had planned, a horror that was imminent when the allies fortuitously broke the Nazis' power.

The evidence of Hitler's monstrous plan was found among documents recovered from the bunker that became Hitler's tomb. These documents, known as the Bunker Papers, have been a closely-held secret until this day, as closely held as the secret of intergalactic aliens routinely vacationing at the White House. The reason for this secrecy is bound up with the abomination those papers contained, as I shall explain in due course.

Hitler's plan was hideous. Hideous and insidious. It was so vile that he knew he could not simply implement it. As cowed, as pliant, as brainwashed, as the German people may have been, Hitler knew that they were unlikely to accept this without a fight. What he needed was a significant military victory with an accompanying popularity spike, so that he could slip it by on a high point. It is the great good fortune of the world that this victory never came.

So what was this hideous, insidious abomination? Aggressive wars? No, that was patriotic. Massive and persistent lying? No, that was statesmanlike. Domestic spying? No, if you had nothing to hide, you had nothing to worry about. Torture? No, that was normal. You had to torture the enemy. Abrogation of civil rights? No, that was necessary in time of war. Genocide? No, that was overblown. No, it was none of those and nothing like any of those. This was something the world had never before seen. Please ... make sure there are no children in the room before you read this ...

Hitler was planning ... to provide up to 85% of all Germans with moderately priced health insurance! The horror, the horror! The dastard!

But why reveal this now? Ah, ha! Because Hitler's Heir is planning ... to perpetrate the same horror on the American people! Everyone should get their guns. Now.

And be advised. Expect the White House to deny the existence of the Bunker Papers. Expect FactCheck and other liberal front organizations to deny it, as well. I am the only one you can trust. Because ... have I ever lied to you, that you know of?

Stay tuned. We may have developments on the space aliens in the White House story when the debate on illegal immigration heats up.