copyright © 2012
by Robert L. Blau
Rejoice, O my brethren and sistren, for I bring great tidings of
joy!
"Hurrah!" they cry. "Have the polar ice caps stopped melting?"
"No!" I reply. "Better than that!"
"Better than that? Has the
melting of the permafrost that dumps tons of methane into the
atmosphere abated?"
"No, no! Better than that!"
"Ah!" they kvell. "It must be the end of the might
drought! Is that imminent, then?"
"Not exactly," I confess, "but this is even better than that!"
"Ah, ha!" they shout. "It is the health of the oceans! The
coral reefs are saved!"
"Um, not so much," I admit. "Even better!"
"Better than saving the coral reefs?"
They are beginning to sound puzzled. "Then maybe the number and intensity of
hurricanes is declining!"
"Ok, not that," I reply. "Something way better than that!"
"Way better than that?"
They scratch themselves collectively. "Not the polar ice caps, not the
permafrost, not the drought, not the oceans, not ... How about
fewer 100-degree days?"
"Not ... as such," I say. "But listen to this: There is no
Global Warming!"
"Hurrah and hallelujah!" they
cry. "So that's all right, then."