December 8, 2017 - A few words about human politics.  In this country, let's call it the Untied States, there are two political parties: the Projection Party and the Bipolar Party.  The Projection Party is a nasty gaggle of racist, xenophobic, sexist, intolerant, bigoted, lying assholes.  Who claim that the opposition Bipolars are ... all of those things.  Projection, you see.  The Bipolar Party consumes its own young.  They accept pretty much all of the charges made by the Projectionists and self-immolate, perhaps leaving a strongly-worded denunciation of their foes, such as, "Well, you, too, y'know!" before touching the match to their gasoline-soaked bodies.  The most avid self-immolaters are the Depressive Wing of the Bipolar Party, who suspect that other Bipolars are too much like the Projectionists.  

November 15, 2017 - Sensing some confusion over all the recent human sexual abuse drama.  Why, for example, is it all right for the human Trump to abuse females, but it is horrible for the the human Weinstein to do the same thing?  Some of you are probably thinking, "Prime Postulate."  For Good Guy h Trump, sexual assault is fine ... Good, in fact.  For Bad Guy h Weinstein, sexual assault is Bad.  And you would be on the right track, but it is more complicated than that.  Take, for another example, the human Moore who is running for the US Senate from Alabama.  He is in the same We Group as h Trump, so he should be allowed to molest human females as well, right?  Yet the same humans who have not a peep to say about h Trump are treating h Moore as if he were h Weinstein!  Why is that?

This requires an understanding of the human attitude towards sex.  For species like ours that love sex, this will be difficult to understand.  Humans don't love sex.  They fear it.  They think it is evil.  But, biology being what it is, they can't help themselves.  And they feel guilty.  Human males are the dominant gender in the species. Because they are generally physically stronger, more violent, and stupider.  They don't want to feel guilty about sex, so they blame the females.  They see themselves as a Prime Postulate We Group, while the females are the They Group.  So anything the males do to the females, including assault, is justified, while any objections the females may have is just whining at best and slander at worst.  So really, in the human males' eyes, there's no such thing as sexual assault.  It's all good fun.

Why, then, all the hoo-ha about humans like h Weinstein and h Moore?  It's called "politics."  It's an excuse to attack someone you don't like for some other reason.  In h Weinstein's case, it's because he's "liberal" ... and to take some heat off h Trump.  In h Moore's case, it's because he's what is known as "bat-shit crazy."  Or so bat-shit crazy that he scares even his bat-shit crazy peers.  Still Prime Postulate, but with finer and finer fragments.

Nevertheless, look for h Moore to be elected to the US Senate.  That's because humans always choose their worst exemplars to lead them.  Yeah, I know there are exceptions.  I attribute that to human error.

November 6, 2017 - I hope you found my guidelines helpful in understanding and classifying the most recent human carnages.  There was one in which a not-white Muslim human murdered several humans by running them over with a truck.  Terrorism or not?  Ri-i-ght!  Terrorism.  Then there was one where a white Christian human murdered a churchful of humans using an assault rifle.  Terrorism or not?  Right!  Not terrorism.  Lone nut.  Aw, shucks.

Here's something else we have learned from the recent carnages.  Mass shootings are not the time to discuss guns.  Any murder involving not-white Muslims is the perfect time to discuss immigration bans.

There is one further clarification to my previous Mass Shooting Cycle explanation.  The human authority figures always say, "This is a mental illness issue, not a gun issue."  Or something very similar.  The human definition of "mental illness" is "an excuse for mass mayhem not requiring anyone to actually do anything."  Some humans believe that there are many kinds of mental illness, such as depression, bipolar disorder, and obsessive-compulsive disorder, and that these can be treated in various ways ... drugs, diet, therapy, and so forth.  But this is not the practical definition, as it would require complex thought, effort, and, most importantly, the expenditure of money.  For practical purposes, mental illness is something to be trotted out, as needed, to excuse mass murder.  Not-white Muslims are not mentally ill.  They are innately evil because of their wrong skin color and wrong religion.

October 9, 2017 - Ah, my brethren and sistren, I am detecting some confusion among you concerning this many-disasters-a-day human world we live in.  Why do humans keep splattering each other into hamburger?  What are all these "mass shootings" about?  Are "gods" and "guns" the same thing?  Humans seem to use the terms interchangeably.  Is there any rhyme or reason to any of it?

Short answer to last question: no.  Remember: humans.  Too stupid to live.  

However, I think it's time to provide a modest framework for understanding the mass-shooting phenomenon.  It is related to terrorism.  Remember the definition of terrorism?  Here's a refresher:  "Terrorism is violence performed by dark-skinned people on light-skinned people."  Terrorism is considered a major reason for light-skinned humans to buy more guns.

By contrast, violence performed by light-skinned people on dark-skinned people is called "self-defense," "justifiable homicide," "boys will be boys," or "just some lone nut, gosh we're sorry, thoughts and prayers." 
If guns are involved, it is called "the price of freedom."  And a reason to buy more guns.  Everything is a reason for humans to buy more guns.  For purposes of these definitions, non-heterosexual humans, regardless of skin color, are honorary dark-skinned humans.

So mass shootings are both an occasion for expressing the human love of firearms and a marketing strategy for selling more of them.  Leading the sales event is something called the "NRA."  That stands for something like "Nasty Rotten Assholes" or "Not Really Americans."  Something like that.

So here's how the Mass Shooting Cycle works:

I.    There is a mass shooting.

II.    Assess category:  Terrorist (Dark-on-Light, Non-Christian on Christian) of Non-terrorist (Other)?

    A.    Terrorist.

        1.    Denounce the cowardly villains.

        2.    Vow biblical-class retribution.

    B.    Non-terrorist:  Lone nut or White Right?

        1.    Lone nut.

            a.    Gosh, who could have predicted?  Such a quiet man.

            b.    Nothing anyone could have done to prevent it.

        2.    White Right.

            a.    There's blame on both sides.

            b.    This is the price of freedom.

III.    Thoughts & Prayers.

IV.    NRA Response.

        A.    Terrorist:  We need more guns to defeat the minions of darkness!

        B.    Non-terrorist.

                1.    Massive shooting and/or child victims.

                        a.    Shut up for a day or so to think up excuses.

                        b.    Creatively blame someone else (Liberals, "Hollywood," etc.).

                        c.    We need more guns to prevent this kind of thing!

                2.    Smaller body counts:  Go straight to "We need more guns to prevent this kind of thing!"

V.    Humans buy more guns.

VI.    Go to I.

In computer programming, this is known as an "infinite loop."

October 1, 2017 - What do humans mean by "democracy?"  I am often asked this question, and here is a description I have heard floating around among the brethren and sistren ... 

Some humans get together for their common good, pool resources, jointly make decisions to promote that common good, and create an entity ( typically called a state) to execute (and interpret) those decisions.  Usually, they elect representatives to act for the citizenry because there are too many humans for everyone to participate directly in every decision.  This is called "representative democracy."

Nothing could be further from the truth.

A human democracy is a cabal of rich, vile Svengalis who deceive, exploit, and enslave all the other humans for their (the Svengalis') own profit, power, and sport.  A cabal of the vile.  The definition about mutual benefit and everyone having a say, is the story put out by the Svengalis to justify their rule.  And all the other humans (Remember!  Too stupid to live!) swallow it whole.

Take the latest flag brouhaha.  Please.  A flag is a piece of cloth with some kind of pattern on it that is used as a symbol for a country, state, fraternal order, hate group, or grade school.   Anyone can have a flag.  Its main purpose appears to be to give puffed-up blowhards something to wave around and strut with to demonstrate their own importance.  The closest parallel I can think of in our world is a silverback beating his chest.  But the main point is that a flag is a symbol of some entity.

So humans are fond of flag-centered rituals to honor their countries.  The rituals may involve standing, bowing, removing hats, holding hands over hearts, reciting oaths of allegiance, and/or singing fulsome songs of praise and devotion. Whatever the specific actions are, they are all about declaring allegiance, devotion, love, or respect to the political entity represented by the flag.

Recently, dark-hued humans have noticed that they, particularly their young males, are being routinely shot dead in the street by human police.  Also that the police are never held to account for their actions.  (That is called "impunity.")  Ok, maybe that wasn't so recently.  But what was recent was that one of the dark-hued humans had a simple, genius idea for peacefully protesting the slaughter of the dark-hued by those in authority. This young human was a member of a privileged class, which is rare for dark-hued humans.  That privileged class was professional athletes.  Professional athletes participate in highly public flag-glorification rituals before every one of their obscure, arcane, incomprehensible athletic contests.  Yes, I don't understand any of it, but the important point is that this young man had a platform for protesting the treatment of his brethren and sistren.  What he did was "take a knee" during the flag ceremony.  That is, he went down on one knee instead of standing.  The message is very simple for anyone who is not willfully (or actually) obtuse:  "The flag is a symbol of my country.  When I perform ritual respect for the flag, I am actually showing respect for my country.  My country earns my respect by serving all of its humans.  But my country is not serving all of its humans.  It is letting down it dark-hued children.  Thus, it is not earning my respect.  I am telling my country that it is letting its citizens down by not showing ritual respect for the flag.  I will stand up for the flag when my country stands up for me."  The young man was immediately blackballed by his sports league, but other athletes, mostly also of the darker hue, joined in his protest.

To witness the reaction of the vile cabal, you would think that the gates of hell had opened and hordes of demons had swarmed the citadels of Truth, Justice, and all those other words that begin with capital letters.  The human president of the United States made a particular horse's ass out of himself, although that is not unusual.  This is, of course, a matter of race.  I know that all humans look alike to you, but you'll just have to take my word that they distinguish among themselves by skin color, and most of the protesters are of the darker hue, and virtually all of slaughtered young humans are also of the darker hue.

The vile cabal, of course, denies their racism.  They claim that this is about "respect for the flag."  To believe that, you have to believe that a flag is not a symbol, but an entity deserving of veneration in its own right.  This is called "idolatry."  Of course, the vile cabal doesn't really believe that.  They know better.  They just want to deflect the critique of their own failings, which would raise the crucial question:  "Does the state exist for the good of its humans, or do the humans exist for the good of the state?"

August 30, 2017 - So a hurricane just dumped so much rain on the Gulf Coast that the National Weather Service had to invent new colors to show how much graphically.  Humans are amazed and unconcerned.  It's "epic" and "historic" and "unprecedented," but ho-hum.  Just a fluke.  Nothin' to do with no global warming no how.  Yeah, they'll have to fish out some soggy humans, dry them off, put them away, deal with a flood of temporary refugees (but not Muslims, thank God), spend a couple trill on rebuilding.  Never happen again.  Till next time, when they'll be just as ready as they were this time.  Any minute now, I expect to see some yahoo claim that this was all a hoax perpetrated by China.  Maybe they should build a wall along the Gulf Coast.

I should mention that the humans here involved are Homo moronis americanus, the dumbest and most ignorant of a dumb, ignorant lot.  Most other humans at least understand a little about climate change and don't think they're smarter than their own scientists.

August 21, 2017 - And now we have an excellent example of terrorist vs not-terrorist acts.  In Barcelona, Spain, a not-white Muslim drove a van into a crowd of predominantly white Christians.  Now, that's terrorism.  As opposed to Charlottesville (see below).  One easy way to tell the difference between Charlottesville and Barcelona is by the response of human-American president Trump.  For Charlottesville, he responded slowly (hours after) and blamed everyone or no one.  For Barcelona, he responded quickly, blamed radical Islam, and dredged up an old story about shooting Islamic terrorists should be shot with bullets dipped in pig's blood.  Because he apparently believes every urban myth and conspiracy theory that comes down the pike.  Or pretends to.

August 13, 2017 - I have been noticing some confusion lately about the meaning of the word "terrorism." Fortunately, there have been some recent events that provide welcome clarity.  

1.  A mosque was bombed in Minnesota.  This was not an act of terrrorism.  Muslims can never be victims of terrorism.  They can only be perpetrators of terrorism.  Victims must be white Christians.  In some cases, exceptions may be made for Jews.  But not really.

2.  In Charlottesville, Virginia, someone deliberately drove a car into a crowd of people who were counter-demonstrating against a demonstration of white supremacists.  The driver was one of the white supremacists.  One person was murdered, and many more were injured.  This was not an act of terrrorism.  But, you may object, the victims were white Christians!  True, but the perpetrator was a white supremacist.  White supremacists can never be perpetrators of terrorism.  This is official White House policy.

Here is further White House policy:  When a white supremacist commits an act of violence, everyone is equally responsible, especially the victims.  If a Muslim commits an act of violence, it's the damn Muslims.  If an immigrant commits an act of violence, it's the damn illegals.  If a black person commits an act of violence, it's the damn you-know-whats.  When a police officer shoots any black person for any reason or no reason, see "if a black person commits an act of violence" (above).

July 26, 2017 - Oh, but did I mention that an even bigger barbarian invasion is taking place in a place called Washington, DC?  Traditional barbarians stick a sword in you and steal all your stuff.  These barbarians steal all your stuff first, keep you from getting medical attention when you're sick, so that you die slowly, and tell you that they're doing all this for your own good.  At least, when the Huns swept into Europe, they didn't tell their victims that they were freeing them from the burden of material goods and the torture of breathing.  There's something more honest about swords.

July 25, 2017 - The barbarians, as promised, are here.  Oddly, they seem to be spending most of their time sniffing around bathrooms.  Not sure what they're looking for.

This barbarian invasion is a competition between two alpha barbs, aka the two demented clowns referred to previously.  The goal is to show who is the most "conservative."  Which raises the question of just what "conservative" means.  The definition of "conservative" is "mean."  (So, it means mean, if you know what I mean.)  That's really very simple, but it is easy to miss when the alpha barbs are thumping their chests and bloviating the virtues of meanness to the cosmos.

July 2, 2017 - Throughout history, there has never been anything that humans enjoy more than chopping each other into tiny pieces.  Except blowing each other into atoms.  But ... tomato, tomahto, you know.  Typically, the choppees (or blowees) call the choppers (blowers) "barbarians" or some similar epithet.  This is, of course, prior to their being chopped or blown.  Afterwards, the typical choppee-blowee doesn't do much calling or, in fact, breathing.

Barbarians come in units called "hordes," and they move in a way called "sweeping."  Barbarian hordes never walk, move, ride, or come.  Always sweep.  They sweep in or sweep down, but always sweep.  This has nothing to do with cleaning floors, although I suppose any floor they sweep across must be pretty clean in the aftermath, except for the bits or atoms of the choppees-blowees.

Some of the historical excuses for barbarian invasions are that the choppees-blowee group is of the wrong religion, race, ethnicity, culture, or attitude.  But basically, it's because the choppee-blowee group has something (land, disposable wealth, women, etc.) that the barbarians want, but not enough fire power to defend it.  (That's humans for you.)

Barbarian hordes, the good ones, are led by a single charismatic, murderous, ruthless,thorough, efficient son of a bitch, who is then extolled in history for these signal virtues.  Famous examples are h Attila the Hun and h Chinggis (or Genghis) Khan.  (I suspect "hun" is just a contraction of "human.")  It helps that winning gives the charismatic son of a bitch the whip hand in the historical editorial process.

This is all prelude to an impending modern barbarian invasion that is about to take place in a place called Austin, Texas.  The barbarians call themselves "legislators," and they call their invasion a "special session," but all the essential components are there.  The only thing they are missing is the single charismatic efficient leader.  Instead, they have two competing demented clowns who keep trying to one-up each other as to who can, as it were, stuff more clowns into a tiny car.

March 6,2017 - I must rise to the defense of the human Vice President Michael Pence.  During the recent presidential campaign, human Democrat Hillary Clinton was crucified for using private email for public business while Secretary of State.  h Pence was at the head of the line with hammer and nails.  Now, it turns out, h Pence also used private email for public business while Governor of Indiana.  And got hacked in the process.  "What a lying, hypocritical bastard!" I hear you scream.  Not a bit of it.  Such thinking demonstrates a fundamental misunderstanding of the human brain, such as it is.  Don't forget your Prime Postulate!  h Pence knows himself to be a Good Guy and h Clinton to be a Bad Guy.  Therefore, anything that h Pence does is Good, while anything that h Clinton does is Bad, even if it's the same thing.  That's humans for you.  Being a Good Guy means never having to say you're sorry, never having to prove anything (cf. h Trump's claims of  wire-tapping, voter fraud, and Swedish terrorism, among many other things), and never having to assume responsibility for anything.

As further support of h Pence's bona fides, I must point out that, throughout his use of private email for public business, he was at no time either a woman or a Democrat.  I think that should clear up any misunderstanding.

February 2, 2017 - Humans are delusional.  I'm sure I have mentioned that before.  It is a bedrock aspect of the human character.  Here is a shining example that I have observed of late.  Since it is completely incomprehensible to the bonobo mind ... or indeed, to any rational mind, I will attempt to illustrate by continuing the analogy I used in my previous entry.

A nasty lion has led his pride into the bonobo community.  Indeed, our hypothetical idiot bonobos have invited the lions in.  Most of our hypothetical kin are in denial, but some do recognize the nasty lion as what he is, a savage, ravening beast.  They wish to stop his depredations.  So, if they think like humans, what do you think they propose?

"Ah, ha!" think these human-thinking bonobos. "The lion has revealed his true nature, so everyone can see that he is a brutal bully.   Now, the other lions will step up and stop him!  All we have to do is appeal to them, and they will kick the awful lion out.  Then they will select another, nicer lion to rule us!"

I don't think any further exposition is necessary to a being with a functioning brain, but I assure you that many humans think this way.

January 31, 2017 - I get a lot of questions about how the creature could crawl out of the Black Lagoon and into the White House.  As a friend recently reminded me, all human American children are told, from a very early age, that anyone can be President.  And now it has happened.  Anyone is President.  It's a human thing, brethren and sistren.  How could you possibly understand?  But let me try an analogy.  Now, this will require a lot of "s'posin'," but please bear with me.

S'pose that a bonobo community has been suffering losses to leopard predations.  Everyone is getting frightened and pissed off.  So along comes a lion, and the lion says, "I can protect you from the leopards.  And not only that, but I can get rid of the bad bonobos.  Of course, you are all good bonobos, but there are some bad ones.  They're not like us (because I'm one of you, of course).  The bad bonobos are traitorous leopard-lovers, and you can tell who they are because they don't think right or look right or come from 'round here."

S'pose there are enough frightened, pissed off bonobos that they invite this lion in and tell him to go ahead and kill the leopards and get rid of the bad bonobos.  So the lion brings in his whole pride and starts feasting.

Now, no one's going to put up with that, right?  But s'pose there are a bunch of bonobos who threw in their lots with the lion back when he first sauntered up.  Call them the Lion Party.  They figure, as long as the lion is in power, they are in power, too, and they like being in power.  Plus they don't want to admit that the lion is a lion, and that they're idiots.  So they keep backing up the lion, even though they're going to get devoured in the end as well.

Yeah, I know.  Just do your best s'posin'.  No bonobo is that stupid.  But I know a species that is.

January 19, 2017 - I couldn't help looking back at my New Year's resolutions for 2015 which, as I observed last year, were spot on and extended to 2016.  No reason to change a thing for 2017.  They just apply better and better as time staggers on.  Or worse and worse, really.

So today is "Confederate Heroes Day" here in Texas.  This is the day humans honor those who fought and died to defend the right to enslave other humans.  It's a perfect human holiday.  It's who they are.

And tomorrow is the official beginning of the Dark Ages.  Perhaps I should say "Dark Ages II" to honor the human habit of numbering their hugest follies, like World War I and World War II.  They don't number the little ones because there aren't enough Roman numerals, and anyway, the humans would lose interest after "V," and for sure wouldn't be able to interpret any number greater than "VIII."

But the Dark Ages.  Dark Ages I was when the European branch of the species stomped out reason, science, and having a clue and instead wallowed in fear, ignorance, and superstition.  Some of the other subspecies weren't as debased, and there were even a few oases of having a clue in Europe.  So that one eventually ended in a modest "Enlightenment."

Have no fears for Dark Ages II.  The fear, ignorance, and superstition is virtually world wide now, and the humans continue to do what they do best (worst):  choose the vilest of their kind to lead them.  Tomorrow, they formally abandon all shame and even self interest, flushing their planet (our planet, too) down the toilet of cosmic history.  The cacophony you hear will be the humans, after shutting their eyes tightly and sticking their fingers in their ears, loudly yammering the ceremonial "la-la-la-la-la."  Too stupid to live.  I think I've mentioned that before.