Bomb Squad

Turns out, the bomb squad isn't the glamorous chick magnet you think. So, this one appears to be a nuclear "device" with an iconic digital count-down display (in red, no less) and a pronounced tick for dramatic effect.

I wasn't the first on the scene. I found several of my ... colleagues, by turns, vigorously shaking and kicking the bomb. This immediately aroused the direst misgivings.

"O-o-o-kay, would you stop that, please?" I began.

"Stop what?" inquired the most verbal of the crew.

"Manhandling that incredibly sensitive and massively destructive ... uh, device," I replied, as diplomatically as my abject terror allowed.

"No can do," said the verbal guy. "Orders from HQ. SOP."

"What? Detonating weapons that can take out a city?" I asked.

He shrugged. "Dunno."

"Let me ask you this," I said carefully. "Has all this ... SOP ... had any results?"

"Sure. Made those red numbers go faster. You know," he added helpfully, "the ones going 60 ... 59 ... 58 ..."

"Oh, good," I nodded. "Well done. I'll just get on the horn to HQ, shall I?" I did. "What the hell do you think you're doing here?" I asked politely.

"Gotta be tough on those bombs," answered the Chief. "Can't show any weakness to 'em. Hang on! Marksmen are on their way to blast the heck out of it!"

"Ok," I replied. "What I'm going to do is disassemble this bomb. Find the ignition device and disable it."

"No no no no no!" screamed the Chief over the phone. "Don't do that! It won't work! You might set the damn thing off! I've got armed drones ready to fly!"

"Um, might, as you say. But I do know something about deactivating bombs. Bomb squad, you know," I pointed out. "Whereas your approach will definitely set it off and send us all to kingdom come."

"What's the matter with you?" screeched the Chief. "It's a bomb! Blowing up is the only language it understands! Do you want to make us look like wimps?"