Boll Weevils

copyright © 2012 by Robert L. Blau

I suspected the boll weevils, at first. After all, cotton plants dying left and right, weevils crawling all over the place. What was I supposed to think? It's a good thing that boll weevil delegation came calling to set me straight.

"It's not us," said the Head Weevil.

"Oh, really?" I replied sarcastically. "These bolls have your mandible prints all over them."

"No, no," said the Head Weevil patiently. "I can see that you don't understand how cotton growing works."

"Oh, I don't, don't I?" I snapped. "I've only been growing it for 30 years."

"But haven't encountered this insidious rot before," said the Head Weevil. "Largely because you have been lucky enough to have us to take care of the cotton for you. Have you ever noticed how boll weevils and large cotton crops coincide? Do you find us where there is no cotton? Or cotton without boll weevils? That's no accident. We are the cotton creators."

Well, I had never thought of that before. I had always thought of them as cotton destroyers, but when that weevil changed the wording, that put everything in a whole new light. Now, I could see how beneficial boll weevils were to growing cotton.

"Then how come my cotton's in trouble now?" I asked, still a bit suspicious.

"Birds," said the Head Weevil. "Very bad for cotton."

"Really?" I replied. "I didn't know that."

"Oh, yes," said the Head Weevil. "They'll eat out your bolls, somethin' fierce. You get rid of those, and we'll be fine. Er, you'll be fine. Other than that, you just leave everything to us."

Well, that made a lot of sense to me, so I've devoted all my efforts to killing birds. Haven't seen a bird in weeks now, and the weevils are thriving. Now I just sit back and wait for my bumper crop.