Bigger and Badder

"I'm voting for the Big Bad Wolf," said the First Little Pig.

"Me, too," said the Second Little Pig.

"Me, three," said the Third Little Pig.

"He ate my grandmother," said Red. "You don't forget something like that. And stole my goodies!"

"You don't mean to say," sneered the First Little Pig, "that you're voting for the Woodman?"

"Of course I am!" snapped Red. "Why aren't you? It was your houses the BBW huffed and puffed and blew down. Don't tell me you've forgotten that?"

"Not my house," said the First Little Pig, a bit snottily. "I'm the brick house guy. For the record. But as for these other guys' house demolitions, that was the old Big Bad Wolf. This is his cousin, the new Big Bad Wolf, and he explained the whole thing to us. You see, the old Big Bad Wolf wasn't big enough or bad enough. That was his weakness. The new Big Bad Wolf will not repeat the mistakes of the old."

"That's right," said the Second Little Pig.

"Me, three," said the Third Little Pig.

"So you're saying," said Red, "that the Bigger Badder Wolf will succeed in blowing your house down, too. The brick one. Is that right?"

"Anyway," said the First Little Pig, ignoring her, "it was all the Woodman's fault."

"I agree," said the Second Little Pig.

"Me, three," said the Third Little Pig.

"How do you figure?" asked Red. "The BBW razed your houses before the Woodman ever showed up."

"Exactly the point," said the First Little Pig. "Where was he when our houses were getting huffed and puffed? The old Big Bad Wolf was weak for not stopping the Woodman from causing our houses to be blown down, but it was the Woodman's fault. The new Big Bad Wolf explained it to us, and he knows because he's the Big Bad Wolf."

"Hear, hear!" said the Second Little Pig.

"Me, three!" gushed the Third Little Pig.

"And I'm very disappointed in the Woodman," continued the First Little Pig. "He promised to rebuild our houses, and there they continue to lie, heaps of straw and sawdust. He broke his promise!"

"I'm disappointed, too," said the Second Little Pig.

"Me, three," said the Third Little Pig.

"It wasn't that he didn't try," Red reminded them. "Every time the Woodman sent a construction crew, there was a pack of wolves, contesting every sawed board and hammered nail with a huff and a puff."

"Well, he wasn't doing it the right way," countered the First Little Pig. "And the houses weren't rebuilt, so he broke his promise. Who could vote for someone like that?"

"Not me!" said the Second Little Pig.

"Me, three!" said the Third Little Pig.

"That sort of logic is hard to argue against," admitted Red. "But let me ask you this: Don't you know that wolves eat pigs? Don't you remember the BBW chasing you with slavering jaw after all the huffing and puffing and all that? The Woodman is the only one protecting you from the Big Bad Wolf."

"Protecting?" scoffed the First Little Pig. "That's against the Law of Nature. You've got to let the Invisible Paw of Nature do its work, sort everything out properly. Then everyone will be rich and happy and safe. The Big Bad Wolf explained that to us, and he ought to know."

"That's right," said the Second Little Pig.

"Me, three," said the Third Little Pig.

"Well, the Big Bad Wolf will certainly be rich and happy and safe," replied Red. "As for the other 99% of us, well, not so much."

"99%?" snorted the First Little Pig suspiciously. "That's Woodmanist talk, that is. Sowing the seeds of species warfare! Girl, you just don't know what's good for you!"

"I agree ," said the Second Little Pig.

"Me, three," said the Third Little Pig.