Bellying Up to the Trough

                                                                                       copyright © 2003 by Robert L. Blau

    Humongous Hog Heaven was the largest hog farm in the state.  Every day the farm hands loaded up the gigantic super extra large hog troughs with a cornucopia of redolent slops.  And half a million grossly corpulent hogs showed their appreciation and good manners by bellying up and scarfing down.  Small matter that much of the banquet wound up on the ground.  The hogs weren't shy about groveling for their supper.  Anyway, there was always plenty more to come.
    But Humongous Hog Heaven, or HHH, as it was also known, was not only the largest hog farm in the state.  It was also the fastest growing.  The Masters of HHH gobbled up adjoining land as fast as the hogs downed slop.  And there was something else that was growing fast, too.  That was the huge waste lagoon into which all the hog-processed leftovers of the daily gorgings flowed.  Leaving aside, for the moment, the implications for the water supply of fourteen counties, the waste pit gave off an ineffable odor.  Although, truth to tell, the neighbors have been known to describe it with a lot of effing.
    Just over the western most fence of the hog farm was the last remaining independent farm in the state, and you can be sure that the Masters of HHH had set their sights on it.  The neighboring farmer had a lone goat which was so emaciated that a side view revealed not only half the beast's ribs, but all of them.  The hogs used to snort fun at the poor goat through the fence.  "How come you're so skinny?  I thought goats could eat anything!"  Or "Hey!  I've got a bone to pick with you!  But you got so many, I can't pick!"  And so on.  The farmer, who wasn't doing much better than the goat, was about to give up and sell out to HHH when a sleek limousine pulled up to the door of his less than palatial house.
    "Hi, neighbor!" said the richly dressed stranger who emerged from the limo. "I live down the road a piece, and the hog shit is starting to drive me crazy.  If you sell out to HHH, that pit's going to be practically on my doorstep.  Tell you what I'm going to do.  I'll give you whatever you need to keep this place.  From now on, the goat gets as much as she can eat.  You, too."
    From that day forward, the goat began to thrive.  When the hogs saw how well the goat was eating, they were aghast.
    "Not fair!  Not fair!" they oinked in between guzzles at the trough.
    "That's too much food for a goat!" they grunted when they raised their heads from gorging for a moment.
    "They're breaking all the rules!" they snorted as the Masters poured in more slop.
    "Gosh!" they burped. "How's a hog supposed to compete with that?"

I'm sorry.  It's just hilarious to hear the Republicans bellow foul at George Soros' support for the Democratic Party.