Balanced and Rational

Full disclosure: I am sane. And I don't run from it like so many of my brethren and sistren, who prefer the term "reasonable."

I'm old enough to remember when the Balanced and Rational Parties both had their share of sanes and insanes, but those days are obviously gone. Now, the Rational Party has gone almost completely insane, while the Balanced Party is known for its sanes, or reasonables. I say "known for" because the Balanceds are about half mildly disturbed. The Rationals also claim some mildly disturbeds, but they're more deeply disturbed, to my mind.

In any case, the pundits are forever touting the mildly disturbed center, claiming that no one can be elected to national office without its support. If that's true, you would expect candidates of both major parties to woo the mildly disturbed center, yet they don't. The Balanceds, it's true, aim for the mildly to deeply disturbed, but the Rationals play to the hard-core insane. Take the current Rational race for the Presidential nomination. Please.

The leading candidates, T-dum and T-dee, have been going rattle to rattle, fighting over who is more insane. T-dee has even accused T-dum of being ... sane. Now, even the most mildly disturbed recognize this as political hyperbole, but T-dum remains vulnerable to charges of being insufficiently insane. Which is why T-dum's sound thrashing of T-dee in the state of Confusion primary was so significant.

"Among Confusion Rational voters who call themselves 'certifiably insane,'" declared T-dum, "I took 57% of the vote. Among the 'clinically insane,' 54%. And the 'criminally insane' gave me 52% of their vote! Who says I'm not insane enough?"

The T-dee camp disagreed. They say insane voters just aren't crazy about T-dum.