After 30-plus years of trouble-free driving, the accident had come as quite a shock.  The pickup truck had come careening around the curve at a withering rate of speed, made belated and futile efforts to stop, done pirouettes all over the road, and come to rest at last in Perkins' back seat.  And there was one other detail.  On its way to the back seat, the truck had goosed the gas tank, which had gone up like a Roman candle.
    Or maybe it had been more like a Greek candle, or even a birthday candle.  Because, as Perkins now reflected, he had walked away from the accident unscathed.  Not only that, but his car had somehow inexplicably survived.  Which brought him to this impending meeting with the Chief Mechanic.
    "Are you sure you can save my car?" asked Perkins. "It sure sustained a lot of damage."
    "Before I answer that," said the Chief Mechanic said, "I would like to ask you one question.  Did you know that the driver of that pickup was drunk?"
    "Well, no, I didn't know," said Perkins. "I suspected, of course..."
    "He was drunk," said the Chief Mechanic. "So, up until the moment of the crash, did you think you could ever get rear-ended by some lush?"
    "No, I guess not..."
    "Well, now you know!" said the Chief Mechanic. "I want you to know that I have declared war against all drunk drivers and will not rest until the roads are entirely free of them!"
    "That's very commendable," said Perkins.
    "I'm going to need your help," continued the Chief Mechanic. "And the help of law-abiding drivers everywhere."
    "Yeah, you've got to support your Chief Mechanic."
    For the first time, Perkins noticed that there was someone else in the garage.  He was a large man dressed in a business suit and, almost imperceptibly, hefting a tire iron in his right hand.
    Perkins raised an inquiring eyebrow in the Chief Mechanic's direction.
    "This is Ben," said the Chief Mechanic.
    "So, does he work for you?" asked Perkins.
    "Yes," said the Chief Mechanic. "I mean no.  He has nothing to do with me.  He just shares my philosophy on Automobile Mechanics.  And sometimes, he can express it even better than I."
    "Got to target those people that don't understand the Principles of Automobile Mechanics," said Ben.
    "There are just a few things I need to ask of you to aid in the War Against Drunk Drivers," said the Chief Mechanic.
    "Just a few things," leered Ben.
    "You need to limit your driving," said the Chief Mechanic. "That will keep you safer and give the Drunk Drivers fewer opportunities to rear-end you."
    "Well, I guess that's reasonable," said Perkins hesitantly.
    "You don't sound sure," chided Ben, gently tapping the tire iron against his left palm. "You know, if you don't support your Chief Mechanic, you're giving aid and comfort to the Drunk Drivers."
    "I wouldn't want to do that," said Perkins a tad nervously.
    "And another thing," said the Chief Mechanic. "I'm going to have to give you a breathalyzer test anytime you drive anywhere.  Just to make sure that you're not a Drunk Driver."
    "Is that really necessary?" asked Perkins.
    "Gotta support your Chief Mechanic," said Ben, advancing menacingly with his tire iron.
    "Um, I suppose," said Perkins.
    "And no more gas!" said the Chief Mechanic.
    "Wha-a-at?" croaked Perkins. "I don't understand."
    "It's very simple," explained the Chief Mechanic. "When the Drunk Driver rear-ended you, he ignited your gas tank.  If the tank had been empty, it would not have ignited.  Gas is too risky!"
    "But without gas, no one can drive anywhere," Perkins protested. "What's the point of even having a car, if you can't put gas in it?"
    "Aid and comfort," said Ben accusingly, brandishing his tire iron. "I'm afraid you just don't understand the fundamental Principles of Automobile Mechanics!"

William Bennett is leading an effort to quash dissent against the policies of Bush fils.  His targets are those "who do not understand ... our fundamental principles."  Now, who is it that doesn't understand ... ?