Noah was minding his own business when he got the call.
    "Hey, Noah!  This is God," said God. "I want you to build an ark.  Make it 300 cubits by 50 cubits by 30 cubits and fill it with breeding pairs of every kind of living thing on the planet."
    "May I ask a question?" asked Noah.
    "I think you already did," laughed God. "A cubit is 18 inches."
    "No, that's not it," said Noah. "Why do you want me to build this ark thing?"
    "Oh, I'm about to flood the planet and kill everything that isn't in that ark," said God. "You've got seven days."
    "Whoa!" protested Noah. "That sounds like a lot to do in seven days!"
    "You don't know the half of it," said God. "There are a few, uh, procedural matters.  I've given you your charter, and I will be your corporate sponsor.  Work with Ham for Space Management and Shem for Seaworthiness Testing.   Better get cracking."

    First, Noah went to Shem to ask about Seaworthiness Testing.
    "What's all that about?" asked Noah.
    "Well, you wouldn't want your ark sinking on you, would you?" asked Shem.  "Or even under you."
    "Certainly not," said Noah. "But I think I have some insurance on that.  Did you know that God is  my sponsor?"
    "If I had a nickel for every guy who came in here claiming to be working for God, I could retire," scoffed Shem. "You have to test these things thoroughly."
    "So, when can I take 'er out to sea for a test run?"
    "Oh, you can't actually test it on the sea," Shem explained. "You might pollute the water.  We have  test ponds for you to use.  You have to put 10% of your expected load on it to get a good test."
    Noah's ark failed the first test.
    "It doesn't float," Shem told him.
    "That's because the pond's too shallow," said Noah. "If I could try it in the ocean ..."
    "Absolutely no ocean testing," said Shem. "We'll get you a deeper pond."

    Ham was the Space Management specialist.
    "I'm here to make sure you don't mess up anybody else's projects," said Ham. "And more importantly, that you don't violate any of my rules.  Nothing gets on board that ark without my ok.  Then, just before sailing, we'll have a review to make sure that nobody is stepping on anyone else's toes, so to speak."
    As the day of embarkation drew near, the animals were lined up for miles.  It was a daunting sight, and Ham was checking every prospective boarder carefully.
    "Got to leave the hive behind," he said sternly. "Only two of each kind.  I don't care if bees are social insects.  Two and only two!"
    Then he summoned Noah.
    "Hey, Noah!  What're you trying to pull here?"
    "Pull?" asked Noah innocently.
    "Look at this!" barked Ham. "Too many lice!"
    "Uh, it started as just two," explained Noah. "But they lay eggs."
    "I don't mean to be a nitpicker," said Ham sternly. "But get rid of the eggs, if you want to sail this ark!"
    When the loading was nearly done, Ham again accosted Noah.  He was carrying a microscope.
    "Do you know how many bacteria you have on your tunic?" asked Ham disapprovingly.  "Only two per species!  And I'm going to have to pump your stomach to get rid of the excess bacteria there!"

    The seventh day arrived, and the ark was loaded.  The clouds were rolling in.
    "Oh, Noah.  Just one more thing."
    It was the voice of God.
    "Yes, Lord?" said Noah accommodatingly.
    "I just created another species of toad," said God. "You need to load them up, too."
    "Um, couldn't this wait until after the Flood?" Noah suggested. "You know, just create the species when the water subsides.  How would that be?"
    "Hey!  You telling me how to do my job?  Who's the deity around here, anyway?"
    "It isn't that," said Noah. "It's that I just felt a couple of drops of rain.  Oh, well.  What's two more toads?"
    "You'll have to retest for seaworthiness," said Shem.
    "Um, I don't think you have a test pond big enough to handle this load," Noah objected.
    "Of course not," said Shem. "You'll have to unload 90% of your animals."
    By the time the Seaworthiness Test had been completed, the rain was coming in torrents.
    "Time for our final review," said Ham. "Any other arks scheduled for today?"
    Thankfully, there were none.
    "Ok," continued Ham. "Does anyone else need space on this ark?  Shem, looks like you're scheduled."
    "Oh, yes," said Shem. "I need to be dropped off in India."
    "Impacting anyone else's space?"
    "No," said Shem.
    "Ok, that's all right, then," concluded Ham.
    It was a good thing.  The water was starting to rise.

    As the ark rose with the waters, Noah gave a sigh of relief.  It had been a tough job, but at last, he could relax a little.  Then he noticed a curious thing.  The ark was listing precariously to starboard.  After all the painstaking planning and all the tedious nitpicking, what could possibly be wrong?  He rushed below decks in the direction of the unfortunate tilt.  And there he found Shem.  Shem with another passenger.
    "Shem!" screamed Noah. "What are you doing with that elephant?"
    "Taking him to India, of course," said Shem.
    "Shem, you have to get that elephant off the ark!"
    "Can't do that," said Shem.  "Have to take him to India."
    "But there are only supposed to be two elephants on this ark," said Noah. "You have to get him off."
    "No, I don't," said Shem. "I followed the Space Management procedure.  Passed review and everything.  My elephant is approved."
    "But you only said you were going to India," sputtered Noah. "You never said anything about any elephant!"
    Shem shrugged his shoulders.
    "How did you get this elephant on board without a Seaworthiness Test?" sobbed Noah. "I had to do one for a couple of toads.  Who approved ...?  Oh, that's right. You're the one who certifies seaworthiness."
    Shem smiled modestly.
    "But ... but ... Ham and the guys checked every insect and bacterium within 500 cubits," Noah stammered. "How did they miss an elephant?"
    Shem shrugged again.
    Noah was beginning to lose patience.  "This is my ark!" he protested. "I built it for my project!  On orders from upper management, I might add."
    "It's not your ark," Shem countered. "It's God's.  And it's hard to find a good ark.  I'd be a fool to miss an opportunity like this one.  Especially with this elephant to deliver."
    "Shem," pleaded Noah, "you have to get rid of that elephant!  If you don't, the ark is going to sink."
    "Are you saying that's my fault?" asked Shem with a laugh.
    "Well, yes," said Noah.
    "Look, I really don't have time for you right now," said Shem, "Gotta deliver this elephant.  But when you figure out a way to keep this ark afloat without involving my elephant, I'll be glad to help."