"I know you've heard this before, but I always like to go over our rating system at the beginning of a performance appraisal.  So, here it is:

                1 - Leaps tall buildings at a single bound
                2 - Leaps medium-sized buildings with a running start
                3 - Gets over one-story dwellings with a ladder
                4 - Runs into walls
                5 - Trips over own feet on open, level ground

So, there you have it!  Any questions so far, Clark?"
    Clark fiddled nervously with his glasses.  "No, sir," he said.
    "Good, good.  You should know that KS is a meritocracy.  We  only want super performers here!  That's why we evaluate on the Bell Curve.  Some managers are too wussy to fire people, but the Curve doesn't lie!  Ten per cent '5s' and twenty per cent '4s' every year!"
    "Uh, just one thing, Perry," ventured Clark. "How can 'the Curve,' which is blind, nonrational, and nonexistent, actually, determine poor performance?  Don't the managers still have to make that determination?  And isn't it possible, and even likely, that more than 70% of your workers are doing at least a satisfactory job?"
    "No, Clark.  It isn't," said Perry. "Didn't I just tell you the Curve doesn't lie?  Remember!  Justice is blind!  And this is justice!  Did you know that Josiah Bell invented the Bell Curve?"
    "Who's Josiah Bell?"
    "But let's get on with your evaluation.  There are a few weak points that I need to discuss with you."
    "Weak points?" peeped Clark.
    "I'm afraid so.  First, there have been some questions about your dependability.  You wander around a lot.  Your co-workers frequently see you lurking around closets.  On some occasions, your clothes have been found inside a broom closet.  You aren't living at the plant, are you, Clark?"
    "Um, no, sir.  Sometimes, I, uh, don't get a chance to stop at the cleaner's before work, so I just leave my dirty clothes in there until I can take them in."
    "Hmm.  Well, that's fairly weird behavior, but ok.  Next point.  Some of your colleagues say they feel like you're looking right through them."
    "I don't know where they would get that impression," said Clark innocently.
    "Clark, sometimes I feel like I don't know who you really are!" said Perry with some exasperation. "Maybe it's those dorky glasses of yours.  You should take them off sometimes, or consider getting some new ones.  Something a little more stylish."
    "I will consider that, sir," said Clark. "Is that all?"
    "I'm afraid not, Clark.  You always seem to disappear during crises.  It makes me wonder if I can depend on you.  What's that all about?"
    "I'm sorry you feel that way, Perry.  I wasn't aware that you couldn't find me during crises.  Tell me, has anything really bad happened because of that?"
    "Well, no, not really," Perry admitted. "The crises always seem to work themselves out.  But I need to know that you're around when I need you!"
    "Now that I know your concern, I will try to do better," said Clark.
    "But there is a more serious issue," said Perry gravely.
    "Oh, dear!" said Clark.
    "Yes, indeed.  It's your attitude, Clark.  You don't seem to enjoy your job.  You always seem to be tired, listless, and grumpy.  You're starting to miss your production quotas.  Here at Kryptonite Solutions, we expect more of a Kryptonite Shoveler III."
    Clark managed a lame smile.
    "That's better!" barked Perry. "Choose your attitude!  Now, Clark, I want to give you a '3,' but remember that there are some areas you have to improve on for next time.  So, this '3' is not exactly 'Gets over one-story dwellings with a ladder.'  This is more like, 'Given a key, opens the front door and gets out the back.'"
    "Thanks, Perry."
    "Think nothing of it.  And say 'hello' for me to Lois and little ... what's his name?"
    "Jor-El."
    "Funny name for a kid," said Perry.