Appealing to the Undecided Voters

I was just rubbing my eyes and stretching after a refreshing nap, when a gaggle of excited townspeople swarmed me from below.

"Rip, Rip!" they cried. "You've awakened just in time! Come quickly! Come quickly!"

"What's the hurry?" I yawned. "I'm just waking up here. Don't want to rush these things. How long have I been sleeping, anyway?"

"About 20 years," replied one of the townies. "It's perfect! You're just in time to vote in the mayoral election."

"Twenty years, eh?" I mused. "Didn't seem half that long. But never mind. Good naps are hard to come by. What about this ... mayoral nonsense? I'm afraid I'm not up on the issues. Don't even know who the candidates are."

"That's why you're perfect!" gushed that same townie, while the others nodded enthusiastic agreement. "See, the rest of us have been listening to these bozos for months ... no, years. We've already know everything there is to know about them and made up our minds months ago. It's only right that the election should be decided by someone who has been asleep for the last 20 years and has no clue about who the candidates are, where they stand on the issues, or even what the issues are."

"But how do I know whom to vote for, then?" I asked, not unreasonably.

"Simple!" said the townie. "You're just in time for the debate! You can listen to that and make up your mind."

"Oh, ok," I agreed. "Who are the candidates?"

"They're the incumbent mayor and the devil," said the townie.

"Fair enough," said I, and toddled off to the debate.

The mayor spoke first ...

Mayor: I increased funding for parks and education.

Devil: AH, HA! THE MOON IS MADE OF BLEU CHEESE!

Mayor: I repaired roads and bridges.

Devil: THE MAYOR SPENT THE ENTIRE CITY TREASURY ON GAMBLING!

Mayor: I increased funding for healthcare and hired more police officers.

Devil: I WILL GIVE YOU EVERYTHING YOU WANT, AND IT WON'T COST YOU ANYTHING!

"The devil was more confident and enthusiastic," I remarked when it was all over, "even though he was full of shit. So he won, obviously. Who would vote for someone as boring as the mayor? But I would just like to have someone fact-check the one verifiable thing the devil said. It was the bit about the mayor gambling away the city treasury. That's pretty serious."

"Right," said the official fact-checkers, churning their fact-checking machinery. "They mayor spent city funds on education, healthcare, public work, public safety, and a few other items, but not on gambling. However, he did spend the entire city treasury. We rate this statement 'Half True.'"

Gosh, that's good enough for me! I'm voting for the guy who won the debate and passed fact checking.