Appeal

This is my appeal to the Board of Education. I am a scholar, not a political rabble-rouser, and I believe my record bears this out. I here reiterate that what I question is the divine provenance of the US Constitution. I know this is a controversial position, but I cannot emphasize enough that I have never, ever suggested, as my detractors claim, that the Declaration of Independence was not written by Jesus Christ.

The Constitution, however, is another matter. In the past, some scholars have claimed that the Constitution could not have been divinely inspired because it was amended so often. I do not make that claim. Nor do I dispute that a three-fifths counting of the slaves is fair. My point is that, even after the scrubbing of the Satanic Amendments, the current document appears to have some differences from earlier drafts. If the document were divinely inspired, it would have been perfect the first time, like the Bible.

Allow me to expand.

1. Article VII, Right to Keep and Bear Arms, first appeared among the otherwise Satanic Amendments, according to documents I have procured.

2. Article VIII, Powers of the States, was also one of the original Satanic Amendments, according to these same documents.

3. Article IX, Ratification, was originally Article VII.

If this is true, the Constitution could not have been a divinely inspired document. Now, if the Board is willing to overturn my death sentence, I am willing to admit that I may be in error. And I will tell you where I have hidden those documents, once I am safely out of the country.