It is a well known fact that business is smarter and more efficient than government.  It is less well known, but equally true, that Information Technology is the smartest, most efficient segment of business.  At least, we IT people know that.  It is therefore baffling that, when faced by a crisis of global proportions, such as terrorism, government has attempted to draft its own anti-terrorism measures, rather than turning to business for a solution.  This failure on the part of government is particularly shocking, considering that there are plenty of precedents for having business draft legislation.  Environmental legislation is just one example.
    However, it is not too late to rectify this situation.  With that in mind, we offer a modest proposal for making the airways safe again.  Of course, this is just one piece of the puzzle.  When this measure has been enacted into law, we will be only too happy to fix the rest of the country in the same way...

1.  The purchase of any airline ticket will require at least four approvals.  One approval will be by an airline technical expert, who will verify that the trip will not unduly compromise the efficiency of the airline.  The other three will be by people who can certify that the Prospective Traveller (or PT) isn't a dangerous psychopath or just a screw-up.  Other approvals may be required, depending on the nature of the trip.  If the trip is interstate, there must be an approver from each state the airplane will pass over or land in.  Similarly, if the trip is international, there must be an approver for each nation.

2.  Each PT must schedule his or her ticket within an assigned time window.  Windows will be assigned by the airline and will ensure that traffic will not be too heavy at any given time.  If a PT wishes to travel outside of the time window, this will be considered a Process Exception and will require additional approvals and scrutiny.  The PT will have to justify why travel outside the prescribed time window is necessary.  In addition, each ticket must be purchased at least ten (10) days in advance.  Otherwise, it will also count as a Process Exception.  Each Process Exception will go on the PT's permanent record and will be counted as a Bad Thing.

3.  Each ticket will have to be reviewed by a team of experts.  The PT must appear before the team to explain and defend the need for the ticket.  Does the trip need to be taken at all? If so, could it be taken in another way?  There will be representatives from the buslines, the railroads, the automotive industry, and the bicycle manufacturers.  Is the trip secure?  How will the PT keep unauthorized parties from finding out about the trip?  There will be representatives from the FBI, CIA, National Security Agency, the Office of Homeland Security, the local police (for all jurisdictions to be traversed), Interpol (for international flights), and the PTA (for child travellers only).  Any issues will be written up as action items for the PT to resolve.  The resolution of each action item must be approved by one of the expert team members before the ticket can be approved.

4.  Any special requirements must be reviewed and approved by appropriate technical experts.  If the PT has luggage, it must be weighed and measured to assure that it will fit in with the airplane's Luggage Transportation Plan.  Carry-on luggage must be similarly approved in advance.  Smoking needs, dietary needs, seating preferences, and restroom access must all be reviewed and approved before the trip can be executed.

5.  Every PT must attend a meeting at the airport 24 hours before their flight.  This will be a final check to ensure that no trip is likely to result in a terrorist incident, a crash, or an inefficiency in the functioning of the airline.  Failure to attend this meeting will result in the cancellation of the ticket.

6.  To ensure that there will be no problems during peak periods, such as Thanksgiving and Christmas, no tickets will be issued for these periods.

7.  It is understood that the PT bears all responsibility for anything that can possibly go wrong.  If any problem occurs during the execution of the trip, the PT will have to explain why and submit a Correction Plan.

    We are certain that these measures will restore efficiency to our airlines and confidence to our passengers.

Submitted by:
Office of Super Hot Information Technology