Against Magical Activism

We are bound by the Big Book of Spells, even as it was bound by the Founding Forebears.* For the Big Book of Spells, or BBS, as it is fondly but reverently known, is much more than a collection of spells. It is the comprehensive guide and final authority on the use of magic in this magical world, designed to govern and regulate the rights and responsibilities of magical and nonmagical folk. It is therefore vitally important that everyone stick to the literal meaning of its words and the intentions of our wise Founding Forebears. And yet some people are always trying to dick with it. Which is why we need people like me.

Let me give you an example. "Magic must always be servant to the people, and never the other way round. No entity created by magic shall be given power over any person." This is a very straightforward clause, but magical activists have maintained (for years) that it means that I am not allowed, for example, to send my gronk out to collect rents from the grunts. That is not what the passage says. It says nothing about gronks or their vital role in the conduct of business. The Founding Forebears never intended for the BBS to suppress legitimate business. The magical activists further display their ignorance of the Intentions of the Founding Forebears by including the nonmagical in the definition of "people." This is what is known as "overreach."

Our bulwark against magical activism is the High Court of Magic. The HCM is the ultimate authority on the correct reading of the BBS. I say "correct reading," rather than interpretation, because no interpretation is necessary or allowed. There are only the literal words and the Intentions of the Founding Forebears, which the High Mages of the HCM are supposed to know.

Fortunately, our current HCM has an Orthodox majority. For instance, they have ruled that gronks are people in the meaning of the BBS: they are magical; they have the correct number of limbs (4), however they may be arranged; they have at least one head; they make audible vocalizations; they are extremely violent; and they can extract money efficiently.

Unfortunately, the magical activists never rest. They continue their attempts to infiltrate the HCM and lower magical courts with their own kind. And that is where I and my colleagues come in. As members of the Council of Wizards, it is our responsibility to vet and approve nominations to the HCM and all other courts of magic, and I pledge to you that I will never allow magical activism into the courts, even if I have to curse the entire selection process. But I need a little cooperation from you guys, too. Your braindeadness is appreciated.

*The Founding Forebears were not, as some maintain, "Papa, Mama, Baby, and the Other One." The Founding Forebears were not, in fact, Four Bears. The Other One was not a bear at all.