After the Whitewashing

Excised Passages from the Classics: After the Whitewashing

"Hey, Tom! Seein' as how you hornswoggled us into whitewashing yer fence, how's about you helping us do our fences?"

"Absolutely not," replied Tom. "That would be very wrong, indeed."

"Um, ... how ya figger?"

"Y'all need to take personal responsibility and live with yer means," said Tom smoothly.

"O-o-o-ka-ay. So how about you, then? With the personal responsibility and that?"

"Exactly like you," said Tom. "I accept personal responsibility for keeping all my stuff mine, and I also want to live within your means."

The others paused a few moments to masticate that.

"Um, o-o-o-ka-ay, but it don't seem ... fair, somehow. You not helping out, y'know."

"Of course, it's fair," said Tom. "It is absolutely wrong to make someone else do your work for you."

"So ... it's wrong for you to make us do your work, then."

"Absolutely not!" parried Tom, not missing a beat. "Entirely different matter."

"Um, ... how ya figger?"

"Your kind of people need to learn personal responsibility and how to live within yer means," explained Tom. "I already accept personal responsibility and live within yer means."

"Oh." There was a lot of head scratching. "But it still don't seem fair."

"Fine," said Tom. "Let's compromise."

"Ok."

"You want to split the work up evenly, and I want you to do all the work."

"Um, yeah."

"So, here's the compromise," said Tom. "I will do none of the work, and you will split the work up evenly."

"Uh, sounds fair ... But how come it's always you that gets to say how it's gonna be?"

"Because," replied Tom, "y'all are dumber 'n dirt."