Wizard Press Conferences

Press Conference #1

I am Oz, the Powerful and Beautiful and Perfect! Keep your eyes on the fireworks and the floating head! Definitely not the curtain! There are no wicked witches. That's just a hoax trumped up by the Munchkin Party because they hate Oz. Me and the country, both. Have you seen my ratings? Through the roof! Questions? Dorothy! What? No, you can't go home! What kind of question is that? That's a very nasty question. Fake news! Or fake newts. Lock her up! And no brains for Idiot Scarecrow. And no heart for Cruel Tin Man. And no courage for Wimpy Lion.

Press Conference #2

I am Oz, the Powerful and Beautiful and Perfect! Keep your eyes on the fireworks and the floating head! Definitely not the curtain! I've got the Wicked Witch of the West well in hand. Don't worry! She's just gonna disappear one day. Like magic. She's no big deal, anyway. More Ozzians are killed by tornadoes and falling houses every year than by wicked witches. It's just the Munchkin Party stirring up trouble, making a mountain out of a wicked witch. Questions? Phony Dorothy? No, there you go again! Always banging on about "going home." Say, have you seen my ratings?

Press Conference #3

I am Oz, the Powerful and Beautiful and Perfect! Keep your eyes on the fireworks and the floating head! Definitely not the curtain! I'm doing a great job with the Wicked Witch of the West. Check it out on www.WWW.oz. No one could possibly have foreseen this, but I've been on the wicked witch problem from the beginning, way before anyone else in Oz took it seriously. I blame Glinda, the Witch of the North, for not reacting to the WWW in time, causing all this unnecessary trouble. So I'm cutting off support to her and anyone else who might actually get anything done. And the Munchkin Party. It's their fault, too. Anyone's but mine. Phony Dorothy, why don't you and your lot go and fetch me the WWW's broomstick, huh? Am I getting the ratings, or what?

Press Conference #4

I am Oz, the Powerful and Beautiful and Perfect! Keep your eyes on the fireworks and the floating head! Definitely not the curtain! I'm doing a beautiful job on the Wicked Witch of the West. You know, you could try some Wizzo Wicked Witch repellent. My own brand. Might work, might not. But what have you got to lose? That's what I say. Fatal events have occurred, but there are more important things than living, right? Severe heat is supposed to suppress wicked witches, so you could try lighting yourself on fire. How about that? Or drinking drain cleaner. Oh, I'm just being sarcastic! But why not give it a try, right?

Looks like Phony Dorothy is back. What's that you've got there? The broomstick of the Wicked Witch of the West? Really? No, that's fake news. Hey! Control that mutt of yours! Not the curtain!!!