copyright © 2019
by Robert L. Blau
The new blood bank director is a vampire. I caught him
making a "vithdrawal." I thought people should know.
Yeah, he even has the corny accent. Can you believe that?
It must be in the DNA.
So I caught him embezzling the day's proceeds, and I called the police.
Who thought I was a complete nut case. Then I went to the
news media. Who thought I was a great, humorous,
people-say-the-wackiest-things filler.
Next day, I got called in by HR.
"Director Vlad [yeah, even the name] is very unhappy with you," said
the HR lady, who had two oozing puncture wounds in her neck.
"Oh, yeah?" I retorted pugnaciously. "Well, I'm very unhappy with him, too! He stole blood bank resources!
That's theft and embezzlement and ... conflict of interest.
Probably a couple of other things, too. I don't know how many felonies that is! And he's an inhuman monster!
People must be warned! That guy should be prosecuted and
staked and beheaded. Fired, at the very least!"
"Everything you say may be true," admitted the HR lady with the
punctures. "However, all of it
pales compared to your vile
transgression, the magnitude of which nullifies anything and everything
that Director Vlad [again, yeah] may have done. Ok, did do."
"Oh?" I chirped. "And what was that?"
"YOU," she roared, rising up
with knuckles on desk, "VIOLATED
POLICY! It is strictly against blood bank policy to
release sensitive information about a blood bank employee to outsiders!
YOU ARE SUCKED!"
"Um, sacked, you mean," I
corrected.
"I know what I mean," she smiled.