Whistleblower

"What we need to know is who that so-called 'whistleblower' is. That would settle all this in a hurry. He's some liberal partisan hack, mark my words! Man has a right to face his accuser!"

Bubba was sounding off again on his current favorite subject.

"But Bubba," I countered, "the whistleblower hasn't said anything that isn't public knowledge. How can you blame him? Or her! Could be a woman, you know." I actually know the whistleblower personally, but I wasn't going to tell him that.

"Oh, you talkin' about the famous tape, huh?" Bubba tugged at his brown MEGA hat. "Well, that was perfectly innocent. We have HRIM's word on that."

"His Royal Imperial Majesty's word isn't famous for being ... reliable," I reminded him.

"Oh, yeah?" snorted Bubba. "Well, says you! HRIM has never told a lie, for your information. Except maybe to enemies of the People, of which I'm beginning to think you are one. Anyway, he released the entire, uncut tape, and it was completely innocent."

"Well, ... it wasn't exactly uncut, was it?" I corrected gently. "Parts were deleted, and they blurred his hmm-hmm, of course. Can't say I object to that. Nevertheless, it was blindingly obvious that the Emperor was parading down the street buck nekkid in front of all his subjects and an international TV audience."

"Maybe so," admitted Bubba, "but what's so wrong with that? I don't see what the Barons are so riled up about. It's not a deposable offense."

"Actually, it is," I replied. "Article VI of the Imperial Code says, 'The Emperor shall not parade down the street buck nekkid in front of his subjects and/or an international TV audience. Such conduct is embarrassing and silly and grounds for deposal.'"

"Well, that doesn't apply to him," insisted Bubba. "He's the Emperor."

"It applies precisely to the Emperor," I returned. "Didn't you get the bit about 'The Emperor shall not ...' and so forth?"

"It's the whistleblower the Barons should be after," Bubba insisted stubbornly. "HRIM has made the Empire great again. See my hat, here?"

"But everyone saw him sashaying down the street buck nekkid," I said.

"How come they aren't investigatin' the Witch's emails, huh?" sniffed Bubba. "That's what they should be investigatin'!"

"I believe they've done that about 14 times," I replied, as gently as I could. "Without finding any wrong-doing."

"HRIM was just wearing magic clothes," said Bubba. "He said so. And his tailors can testify to that, too. If anyone can ever find them. It's that so-called 'whistleblower' they have to expose. That's who's causing all the trouble with them slanderous accusations!"

I heard "them slanderous accusations." I was standing next to the whistleblower, my 5-year-old son Johnny, when he said what all the rest of us knew, but were somehow afraid to say: "Hey, that man isn't wearing any clothes!"