Alt-Real: What World War?

The VICE PRESIDENT. We are here to pass, at the request of the President of the United States, a declaration of war on Germany. The House has already passed its declaration. The Nazi leader is recognized.

Mr. MITCHIE. I am opposed to this rush to war on the grounds that it makes my party look bad.

The VICE PRESIDENT. We can't help it if Germany's ruling party is the same as one of the two major parties in the United States. They did invade Czechoslovakia and Poland and France and are now pounding the crap out of the United Kingdom. The Senator from Missouri is recognized.

Mr. DRUMPF. Those were just tourist excursions. The German people are avid travelers. Anyone looking at the so-called invasion of Poland could tell you that those were just tour tanks that they used. The German tourists were there to see the houses of famous Poles. And anyone who says that I was there, egging the army on, is lying.

The VICE PRESIDENT. What about the London Blitz?

Mr. DRUMPF. Innocent scientific inquiry. Don't you believe in science? And they accuse me of being anti-science!

The VICE PRESIDENT. The Senator from Texas is recognized.

Mr. GOEBBELS. We can't declare war on Germany unless we also declare war on everyone else who is fighting, including the UK. And also Switzerland. Cause they might. Anyway, it's too soon to be jumping into war. We should wait at least until the UK has fallen.

The VICE PRESIDENT. The Nazi leader is recognized.

Mr. MITCHIE. Look, we're just going to filibuster this thing.

The VICE PRESIDENT. I'm thinking of eliminating the filibuster. The Senator from West Virginia is recognized.

Mr. MACHO. Hey, I'm just as in favor of this declaration of war as you are, Mr. Vice President, but the filibuster is a tradition. What's more important, a hallowed tradition or the collapse of global civilization?