Two Gods

Once upon a time in a universe near, nearby, there were two gods fighting for believers. According to religious experts, a Two-God System is the optimum religious structure because it gives believers a choice, but isn't too confusing, and gods know, the human brain is not built to handle too much complexity. So that was all right, then.

Each god had its own philosophy, promise package, and resulting natural constituency. God 1 said things like, "You should be nice to each other" and "Take care of each other" and "Everyone is equal in my eyes." And God 1 promised to give courage to the faint of heart, strength to the down-trodden, compassion to the grieving, and ... that sort of thing. So its constituency was the poor, the weak, the dispossessed ... practically everyone, in fact.

God 2 said things like "You're better than those losers" and "We're the good guys" and "I'm gonna build a great big beautiful wall to keep out the scum." In fact, if God 1 said "alpha," God 2 said "omega." If God 1 said "go," God 2 said "stop." If God 1 said "up," God 2 said "down." And God 2 promised wealth and power. So its constituency was the rich, the powerful, the mean, and the ignorant.

And it came to pass that a great plague engulfed the land, and the people sickened and died and cried out for help. So God 1 said, "There are some very simple and practical things you can do to protect yourselves. Wash your hands often and well. Maintain a distance of a few feet between each other. Wear a mask. All of these will slow the spread of the disease. Stay at home as much as possible, and do not participate in large gatherings. In the meantime, develop a vaccine against the disease, then vaccinate yourselves."

And most of the people did as God 1 advised. Of course, since God 1 had said "A," God 2 had to say "Not-A."

"The plague is a hoax," said God 2. "Wearing masks is a violation of your Me-given right to be a horse's ass. The vaccine is dangerous! More dangerous than the disease, in fact. It will let Them control your mind with Jewish space lasers! Eat, drink, be merry, and go to large motor cycle rallies and political events."

And so it was that God 2 managed to kill off all its believers and disappear into the cesspool of history.