Reversal of DEI

There was another explosion at work today.

I managed to find my new boss Mr. Pfister to see if he knew what was going on. Mr. Pfister was the new Director of BGA who was appointd by the Dear Leader. Oh. "BGA" is the "Big Government Agency."

"Sir, Sir!" I cried importunately. "What's going on? Are there any casualties?"

"No one important," he smiled affably.

"No one imp ...? Where's Sarah?" I couldn't see my colleague Sarah, who had had the cube next to mine for ten years.

"Oh, she had to go," said Mr. Pfister. "DEI."

"DEI?" I spluttered. "I don't understand."

"Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion, so-called," he said.

"I know what DEI is," I protested. "I just don't understand how it even applies here. Sarah wasn't a DEI hire. Even if she were ..."

"Of course, she was a DEI!" Mr. Pfister cut in. "The dictionary definition of 'DEI hire' is 'any employed person of the female, non-Christian, and/or nonwhite persuasion.'"

"Never heard that one," I muttered.

"New American Dictionary," explained my boss. "Check it out! It's the only dictionary available in bookstores now. Or in libraries."

I was confused. "But what does this have to do with ... well, anything?"

"Ah," said my boss, not unkindly, "by order of the Dear Leader, all DEI programs are to be terminated immediately. It is well known, thoroughly documented, and exhaustively researched, that DEI is responsible for the hiring of incompetents who are responsible for everything that is wrong with this country."

"Sorry," I objected, "that just isn't true. Except for the DL's order, of course."

"Well, a lot of people are saying it is true," replied Mr. Pfister. "Which is the same thing. But termination of these insidious programs is not enough. Dear Leader has further ordered the reversal of DEI. This means the institution of IED (Improvised Explosive Device) programs. We learned about IEDs from our terrorist friends in Iraq. For every DEI hire, an IED will be hidden somewhere in the environs of the hiring agency or business.The ensuing detonations will serve as an object lesson, hopefully terminal, to the woke (New American Dictionary: "bad people, especially nonwhite, who are responsible for everything that is wrong with this country") and promote the chaos so dear to Dear Leader's heart. And that's the reason for all our office explosions."

"I thought it was DEI hires that were responsible for everything that was wrong with this country," I quibbled.

"Them, too," said Mr. Pfister. "Immigrants, too. Don't forget them. Say, your skin looks kinda swarthy ..."