The Prince Frog
                                                                                       copyright © 1997-2002 by Robert L. Blau
    "I want to be a frog," said the Prince.
    "Well, you've come to the right place," said the Witch. "Turning princes and princesses into frogs is what the Frog Preparation and Certification Program is all about."
    "Don't you just wave a wand or something?" asked the Prince.
    "Heavens, no!" said the Witch.  "That's storybook stuff. We don't want just anyone being a frog.  We want only dedicated professional frogs."
    "Well, I had heard that there was a shortage of frogs in some critical areas.  And I understand that you would like to recruit species of varied background and experience to bring new blood, so to speak, to the ponds.  I've always wanted to do something of ecological significance, and many of my colleagues used to be frogs.  They've told me what it was like.  They say it's tedious, boring, and dangerous.  They say frogs don't get any respect.  And the pay sucks.  But some of them miss it nonetheless."
    "Pah!"  The Witch spat in disgust.  "Royalty has no self-respect.  One lousy kiss, and we're out a frog.  No tests.  No standards.  No proof of dedication.  We lose more frogs that way."
    "So, how do I become a frog?"
    "First, you have to fill out this application," said theWitch, producing an object the size of a telephone book. "That'll be 35 simoleons for the privilege.  Paper ain't cheap. Then you have to prove you're a prince.  The documentation costs are your responsibility. Then you have to pass a Frog Worthiness Test.  That's another 29 simoleons."
    "So, then I can be a frog?"
    "Not even close, toots," continued the Witch.  "Next comes Frog Readiness Training, Phase I.  That lasts two months and costs half a million simoleons.  Then comes Frog Readiness Training, Phase II.  That's three more months and another million
simoleons.  But don't worry!  The courses are all at night and on weekends so that you can go on being a prince in the meantime."
    "But where am I going to find the time for all of this while I continue to govern my realm and, by the way, spend time with my family?"
    "But you have to prove your worthiness and dedication," said the Witch.  "Besides, how else would you be able to pay our fees?"
    "Ok," said the Prince.  "So,  then I can be a frog?"
    "Oh, not by a longshot," said the Witch.  "Then you can start looking for a position as a frog.  That's your responsibility."
    "Ah," said the Prince.  "I see.  So, let's say I find a pond that will take me.  Am I done?"
    "Goodness, no!" said the Witch.  "At that point, you still haven't proven yourself worthy.  When you obtain a lilypad, you become a Probationary Frog.  You assume all the responsibilities of a Certified Frog, but you still have another year of training ahead of you."
    "Nights and weekends, I assume," said the Prince,catching on.  "And it will cost me ..."
    "Just one bezillion simoleons," said the Witch.  "But don't worry.  It will be deducted from your salary."
    "Uh, that would now be a Probationary Frog's salary, rather than a Prince's salary. Just how much does a Probationary Frog make?"
    "It varies, toots," said the Witch.  "It's up to you to get that information for your particular pond.  I guess it depends on how thick the bugs are in your area."
    "Is there anything else?" asked the Prince.
    "Oh, only a few more tests at 75 simoleons a pop.  And the Frog Certification Fee. You need to pay that before your transformation is complete.  It's only a couple of hundred simoleons.  Bug juice compared to what you will already have paid."
    "So, let me see if I have this right," said the Prince. "I can spend zillions of simoleons, work nights and weekends, take a bunch of tests for the possibility of obtaining a lilypad.  If I am so lucky, I am rewarded with low pay, most of which is eaten up by fees, no respect, long hours, and the hazards of life as a frog.  Or I can stay put at no expense or inconvenience and continue to enjoy the luxuries to which I am accustomed."
    "Yes," said the Witch.  "Exactly.  But you will have proven your dedication and worthiness to be a frog."
    "Have you had many takers?" asked the Prince.
    "No," admitted the Witch.  "But it's just as well.  We want to attract only the best and brightest."