Please Give Us Another Chance

This administration has done amazing things like no one could ever have imagined! America is living in its Golden Age! Prices are low! Inflation is non-existent! Unemployment is miniscule! The standard of living is through the roof! We are prosperous and mighty, the envy of the rest of the world! The United States is the hottest country in the world! (No snide comments from global warming hoaxers, now!) Everything is perfect, and everybody loves us.

So, please give us another chance! Just two more years is all we ask. For now. Until we can fix ... you know, voting and ... everything.

Now, we know how they ... that is, the evil illegal aliens and socialists and communists and war mongers and corrupt grifters and liars (that is, all the things we are not) ... are lying to you. And maybe we have a wee messaging problem. So, here's what we're going to do ...

ICE. We are changing the name of ICE to "The State Police," which is actually a better description of its function, since its mission encompasses more than just immigration. For short, you can call it "The StaPo." In addition, we will change our recruitment pitch from "Wanted: Bloodthirsty, trigger-happy thugs. No previous law enforcement experience preferred." to "Wanted: Patriotic bloodthirsty, trigger-happy thugs. No previous law enforcement experience preferred." In addition, we are aware that the Woke Muslim Communist Socialist Queer Trans fake news has complained that ICE ... excuse me, The StaPo ... agents wear masks, drive unmarked vehicles, and wear no paraphernalia to identify themselves as federal agents. And rip parents away from their bawling brats. Not gonna do anything about that. It's perfect.

The Iraq (or Iran) War (Excursion). We won that, of course. Several times. And they're just screaming for a deal. So, we're just not going to talk about that anymore.

"Affordability." Not a word. Nuff said. Remember eggs under Biden? Now, that was a problem!

Inflation. That's on Biden. That stuff takes years to work out. Remember if, God forbid, there's a Democrat president, and inflation goes down, that's because of Trump!

Epstein. Shhhh!

Here's a good rule of thumb. You know how, when you die, you go do heaven (if you're a Republican), and everything is great? Well, the midterms are like death. Everything's gonna be great after the midterms. If you'll just be patient.

We've done such great things, like you've never seen before! So, please give us another chance!