Mirror, Mirror

There was once a kingdom ruled by a hideous troll. The troll was ugly enough to curdle milk at one hundred yards, but he didn't know that. He thought he was the handsomest, most beautiful person ... or troll ... in all of creation. Of course, no one at court would disabuse him of this delusion, for he had a temper as hideous as his face.

One day the troll king happened upon a mirror. When he looked at it, he saw a horrible monster looking back. Shocked and appalled, he called his council into immediate session to explain this strange device he had found.

"What," he roared, brandishing the mirror, "is this?"

There was a lot of hemming and hawing, but finally, someone mumbled, "It's a mirror."

"And what is its purpose?" pursued the king.

Lots more hemming and hawing, but no one seemed to know the purpose of the mirror. Or admitted to knowing, at least. Nevertheless, with a little judicious experimentation, the king figured it out. He wasn't a complete idiot, after all.

"So, when I hold this in front of you, for example," he said to his grand vizier, "it returns a likeness of your face. Yet when I hold it in front of me, all I see is a grotesque, misshapen heap of dog doo. Who is responsible for this outrage??"

"Er, well, it's the silverer in town who makes the mirrors," stammered grand vizier.

So the silverer was summoned forthwith.

"Is this your mirror?" demanded the troll king of the silverer.

"Well, it's not mine anymore, Your Highness, replied the silverer. "I did make it, though. Fine workmanship, don't you think?"

"Bugger the workmanship!" fumed the king. "How does it work?"

"Pretty simple, really, Your Majesty," said the silverer. "Light bounces off your face, hits the mirror, and bounces back to you as an image of your face."

"Then why does it make me look like a hideous troll?" roared the king.

"Um, that would be because you are a hideous troll, Your Highness."

So the silverer was executed, and mirrors were banned throughout the kingdom. But the king was still a hideous troll.

The House Judiciary Committee asked the CEO of Google to explain why a search for "idiot" turned up Donald Trump. Really.