The Masque of the Orange Death

The Orange Death had long devastated the country. And the world. There had been nothing like it since the Black Death. But orange, as you know, is the new black. So there you are. The symptoms were hideous. The hair turned orange. Then senility and uncontrollable twittering. Followed by the popping of the clogs.

All the experts counseled isolation, quarantine, social distancing, hand-washing, non-face-touching, surface-sanitizing, and all of that. So Prince Prospero got all his besties together, hunkered down in a secure facility, and prepared for a long siege. He put in plentiful supplies of food, hand sanitizer, and (especially) toilet paper.

At length, the Prince decided to have a modest Keep-Your-Distance Masqued Ball to relieve the boredom. No more than 15 people were allowed in the ballroom at one time, and a six-foot distance between party-goers was maintained at all times. Monitors were placed at each entrance to the ballroom to enforce the numerical limit. Hand sanitizer and Handi Wipes were sprinkled liberally about the room.

Suddenly, the partiers became aware of a Sixteenth Partier. He was blatantly violating the Six-foot Rule, sometimes careening into the other partiers, pawing them, rubbing their faces, spitting and sneezing, wasting toilet paper. Not only that, but his costume mimicked the Orange Death: his hair was deathly orange, he gibbered incoherently, and he pounded out Twitter messages on his cell.

Prince Prospero was outraged and leaped to confront the intruder.

"Who are you, and how dare you mock this gathering of friends?" he fumed.

The stranger turned to face the Prince, and all could see that the area beneath the orange hair was devoid of any substance whatsoever. The Prince's hair turned instantly orange, he began babbling and twittering, and fell dead on the floor.

"It is the Orange Death itself!" gasped the attendant party-goers.

"Ok, everyone!" snapped the intruder. "Go back to work! This so-called 'plague' is just a Democratic hoax designed to be mean to me. Open all the shops! Stop all that 'social distancing' crap! Everything back to normal, understand?"

And darkness, decay, and the Orange Death held illimitable dominion over all.

Note: The first and last sentences are taken almost verbatim from Poe's "The Masque of the Red Death.