copyright © 2020
by Robert L. Blau
As dawn breaks on Christmas
eve, it is reported that the Grinch has filed suit in every nation of
the world to prevent Santa Claus from stealing Christmas.
We caught up with the Big G outside the Mar-a-Lago resort, where he
spends most of his down time playing golf and torturing small creatures.
"Mr. Grinch," we asked, "is it true that you are suing Santa Claus?"
"Oh, yeah."
"On what grounds?" we asked.
"On all grounds," he replied.
"Here, there, everywhere! Hee, hee, hee! First off, to stop
him from opening those letters! They're all highly susceptible to fraud."
"Letters? The ... letters from children?"
"Allegedly from children,"
corrected the Grinch. "From Black Lives Matter and antifa, more
like Highly suspicious. Highly.
Very prone to fraud! And then there are all those illegal
entries of domiciles."
"Um, why are you doing this, Mr. Grinch?"
"Christmas is mine," whined
the Grinch. "The fat guy in the red suit is trying to steal it from me!
It's me that everyone
loves and wants in their homes and lives, not him! There's no way I lose
Christmas unless he cheats! The kiddies love me! And the parents,
too! Not just the kiddies! I'm the legitimate Christmas
elf! I'm taking this to the Grinch Supreme Court for Mom
and Dad to rule one! Oh, yes. And my brothers and sisters
and cousins ..."
We regret that we have to terminate this report at this point, but he
just wouldn't shut up, and we don't have all day. We regret it.
But not much.