Getting Ready

"Hey, you ready down there?"

"Zat you, Shagrat?"

"Of course, it's me, you idiot! Who else would it be on this channel?"

"Just checking! Can't be too careful about security these days, you know."

"Yeah, yeah. Are you ready, Gorbag?"

"Almost ready, almost. Be patient. Just a little longer."

"Only, the overcrowding here is getting insane! We need that planet!"

"There are still too many of them, Shagrat. But I'm working on bringing the number down."

"What's taking so long? We figured, once we had you installed as chief exec, it would be a snap. What are you doing?"

"Climate change is very promising, Shag. If we give it just ... a hundred years ... at the outside, that'll get rid of millions of them, no problem."

"Hmm, yeah. But you should be careful with that. We want the planet in livable shape, y'know. Plus, a hundred years? We're gonna need it sooner than that."

"At the outside, I said. Probably not nearly that long. But I hear you. I have some great news. The virus is working very well. For a while, I was afraid they were getting it under control, but ... nah! Too stupid. You just tell 'em it's a hoax, and they swallow it, even while their fellows are collapsing around 'em. One disappointment, though. I was hoping for a good race war to diminish run those numbers down, but I'm afraid it's not getting much traction."

"Um. What's 'race.' Gorbag?"

"Something they invented. It means different skin colors. They recognize black, white, brown, yellow ..."

"I've seen pictures. They all look brown to me."

"Yeah, well, they would. All of the colors are just different shades of brown. It's really hard for us to tell the difference. But it's very important to them."

"Uh, ... why?"

"Beats the hell out of me. But now that I'm 'white,' I really hate 'blacks.'"

"Why? No, never mind. I don't need to know. Just tell me what you're doing to get rid of the vermin?"

"Ok, Shagrat, here's the deal. I figure the virus is still our best tool. It kills them, it destroys their economy, it breaks down their infrastructure, it overwhelms all their coping mechanisms. It just needs a little shove. So I'm scheduling big campaign rallies and a big, beautiful convention to spread the darn thing. Whattaya think?"

"Good going, Gorbag! I knew we could count on you!"