copyright © 2026 by Robert l. Blau
BZZT News reports that
the Royal Japanese Navy has launched a surprise attack on the US
Pacific Fleet at Pearl Harbor. The attack began on the morning December
7th at 7:48, and presumably marked an end to months-long negotiations.
A US Navy spokesman called the assault "a brilliantly executed
operation by the Japanese military and a humiliating defeat for the
United States. You gotta give those guys credit!"
Asked if it weren't a cowardly violation of international law and
norms, the spokesman replied, "Well, I suppose you could call it that,
but the execution was awesome! Talk about your precise planning and pin-point targeting!"
President Franklin D. Roosevelt is on his way to Tokyo in Japanese
custody to face the full wrath of the Japanese Ministry of Wrath for lese majeste and Mucking Around in Someone Else's Sphere of Influence. Because everyone knows that the Pacific Ocean belongs to Japan.
FDR called December 7th a "date that
will live in fame" and cited it as "a shining example of best
practices for waging war."
The Japanese High Command announced that it would be running the United
States pending a transition to full annexation. In the interim, Vice
President Harry S. "WTF?" Truman will serve as Acting President.* The
Acting President promised to collaborate with the mew Japanese
overlords, saying, "The buck passes way above my pay grade."
* Yeah, yeah. But who remembers Henry Wallace?