DNAers

Today's spit-in by radical DNAers greatly increased pressure on the President to release his genome to the public. The President continues steadfastly to refuse.

A raucous rabble of DNAers filled the National Mall before filling small plastic phials with their saliva. The spit test, a common method for testing DNA, was used to dramatize the DNAers' demands that the President prove that he is human. They contend that the President is ineligible for his office by reason of species.

DNAers, who are often considered to be a subset of the tinfoil hat crowd, are themselves divided as to the President's true species. Many believe he is an Australopithecus, citing his smaller brain size as evidence, but others do not agree.

"He's a 'Squatch," says DNAer Bubba Padiddle confidently. "Been seen throwin' rocks at trees."

Other DNAers contend that the President is an alien from another planet.

"It's that thing on top of his head," explains Phil Padumpum of the DNAer alien wing. "It's attached itself to the humanoid appendage below and tells it everything to do. Bit ironic, considering its policy towards human aliens."

The White House issued the following blistering defense against DNAer charges:

"Nowhere in the Constitution does it state that the President has to be human."