Core Business

"Government guy to see ya, Santa!"

"Thanks, Rudolph. Send 'im in."

"I'm Jack Plibbet from the North Pole Department of Labor, Mr. Claus," said the government guy. He crossed Santa's office in a single stride and offered his hand.

"Glad to meet you, Mr. Plibbet," replied Santa suspiciously. "What can I do for you?"

"Ah, yes," began Mr. Plibbet. "We have received reports that you pay your elves nothing for their labor, nor do you provide them with any benefits, such as health insurance. Is that true?"

"Oh, yes," replied Santa. "They're contract workers, you see. Not my responsibility."

"Ah, but the government of the North Pole has just enacted a law requiring employers to pay their contract workers a minimum wage and provide benefits," countered Mr. Plibbet.

"Have they?" asked Santa innocently.

"We thought," continued Mr, Plibbet, "that you would be familiar with this law, considering that you expended a million sacks of toys trying to kill it."

"Ho, ho, ho!" laughed Santa. "That law! Yeah, that doesn't apply to me and my dwarves."

"Then why did you try so hard to stop it?"

"Civic duty, just civic duty," said Santa.

"Really," scoffed Mr. Plibbet. "So how do you figure that it doesn't apply to you?"

'The law excludes contract employees who are not part of a company's core business," replied Santa smoothly. "The elves are not part of my core business."

Mr. Plibbet scratched his head. "So let me get this straight. You are Santa Claus. You go around the world delivering toys to children. The elves make and package the toys and load your sleigh for Christmas. And they are not part of your core business?"

"'Sright," said Santa. "Remember, I only do the toy thing one day a year. It's, like, a hobby. A public service, you could say."

"And what, do you claim, is your core business?" asked Mr. Plibbet.

"Why, reindeer herding, of course!" replied Santa cheerfully. "Got nine of 'em. Now, that's a full-time job!"

Hint: Santa has a more convincing case than Uber ....