Article Zero

Today, the White House announced the discovery a heretofore unknown copy of the United States Constitution, buried beneath the ruins of the old East Wing. Experts have verified its authenticity and certified that it supersedes the legacy Constitution in its entirety. A lot of people are saying that.

The new document has been dubbed the Secret Constitution of the United States, or SCOTUS*, because it has lain hidden for some 239 years. It was sealed in sort of time capsule with a hand-written note, saying "Do Not Open Until 2026. For Eyes of the Great President Only!"

The note was signed by NotreDamus, also known as the Unknown Signer of the Constitution, who was known never to appear in public without a paper bag over his head. NotreDamus was a somewhat shadowy figure, but known, many people say, as a an unerring seer and prophet. As a matter of fact, no NotreDamus prophecy has ever been proven false. In fact, no one has ever been able to cite a single NotreDamus prophecy.

SCOTUS is identical to the Legacy Constitution (LCOUS?) except for one additional article: Article Zero, which potentially obviates the need for all the other articles and amendments. Article Zero reads:

    This Article supersedes all other Articles of this Constitution under the following
    circumstances: The President 'has a feeling.' When the President 'has a feeling,' he
    becomes the Absolute Ruler of these United States. Nay, of the World!

    Also, for clarification, although this should be clear under Article Zero, the President
    is allowed to have a personal army of masked, heavily armed thugs to carry out his
    wishes.

*A new acronym for the Supreme Court is currently under consideration. Probably, we won't need one.